All Is Well

Yesterday was a full day. We started out the morning going to the Dr. for L my 12 year old. She had a temp and I was not taking any chances with C's wedding shower being this weekend. Then I met my sister at Bealle's and we shopped for hours. They had 70% off with an additional 40% off. Does it get any better? I finally found a few things.....praise the Lord!

I have had my moments of really missing my boy, but I know he is being loved and well taken care of so that helps a lot. It is strange not getting up at night....that part I like. I am just trying to really focus on my girls, the house, the wedding and a million other things. I am so thankful for the woman I see C becoming. She is so on fire for God and wants so much to be in his will. She is going to be a great wife and mother someday. I love that girl!!

Shelby ( fake name of course ) my 17 year old is fun to have around, she is a nut and she can really sing. She is going to start college next year for Physical therapy. L is my brainy child. She was in the gifted program in elementary and scored in the 97th percentile in math. The older that girl gets the more beautiful she is inside and out. She has an old soul. Very mature for 12. J is 4 and well she is just stinking cute. She is a little rotten due to her being the baby. I just stare at her sometimes and think about how blessed I am to be her mom. Yes I am bragging on my kids!!! Get use to it, it is what I do. They are my life. Just wait til I'm a grandmother!!! While I'm at it, let me brag on hubby too! He has worked his behind off for his family. For many years when our first two were little he worked two jobs so that I could stay home with them. Recently he has finished college while working a demanding job with outrageous overtime, and graduated with a 4.0! I don't tell him enough how much I love and appreciate him. OK I'm done gushing over my people now.

Now I'm off the the bathroom to due some magic with makeup. Might have to use a little duct tape too! Things aren't hanging like they use to ...that's a whole other post!

The Goodbye Girl

Well today is the day baby boy's grandmother is coming to get him for good. Last night was not pretty for me and hubby. We knew it was our last night to put him to bed together. He is the sweetest baby.... I love him. He will not remember me but I will never forget him. He came to us a tiny 4.6 pound baby and is leaving a whopping 16 pounds. We do like to eat around here!!

Right now he is in his bouncer seat blowing raspberries and giving me a beautiful toothless smile. I pray his live is amazing but most important I pray he knows God and how much he loves him.

Why can't the parents of the children I have fostered see these precious babies for the gifts that they are. I'm tired of saying goodbye.

Someone Is Following Me

Well I am so frustrated with the clothing industry this morning. I have been shopping this past weekend and last night, trying to find some clothes for the upcoming wedding shower and rehearsal dinner. I have bought nothing but shoes......of course and some perfume.
This new look of big shirts with no waistline is not exactly what I was wanting. I haven't starved myself for the past 6 months to were a tent!!

Then there is the main problem of finding pants to fit my body or should I say booty. I have a tiny waist and a not so tiny behind. Always feels like someone is sneaking up on me. You know how when squirrels are road kill and they have been there a few weeks and there is nothing left but their bushy tail? Well I am quite positive that if you ran me over and came back a few weeks later there would be nothing left of me but my bushy tail!!! Dang It!!!! So once again today I am hitting the stores. I will not be defeated.

Baby boy was naughty yesterday. I had rocked him to sleep and was looking at him adoringly before I laying him down. When I went to put my hand under his back to stand up I got a hand full of poop. He has been doing this daily. Somehow he manages to poop up his back....disgusting!! Yes I AM writing about poop! DEAL WITH IT!!! It's my life.
I only have 3 days left with him. So bittersweet. The next thing will be to deal with the insensitive people at Church that ask where the baby is and when I tell them he is living with his grandparents now they look at me and say " I don't know how you do that, I could never let them go." My favorite one is " I could never do that to my family." Seriously? I want to say, You could never teach your children how to put someone else before them self? As I recall the bible tells us to do that. I am not saying that everyone is cut out to be a foster parent. It is a calling.
I would however love for people to be more sensitive and not treat me like I have a birth defect because I love children that I cannot always keep. I have now worked myself all up into an uproar and it's just 7am. Makes me want to kick the dog!!

I'm off to get my second cup of coffee and do a little repenting for my stank attitude! Sorry y'all!

What Next?

Only a few more days with baby boy. I talked to his grandmother yesterday and she said she will come and get him this Thursday or Friday. I am so sad to see him go. I love him. I am also very thankful that I can sleep at night knowing he is in excellent hands. His family loves him and that is where he belongs. We will still be able to see him often. We are going to babysit for her to teach her last class at the hospital. ( she is a nurse ) Not sure what to do after this. Do we foster again? My mind changes daily.

This coming weekend is C's wedding shower. I went shopping last night to try and find something to wear to it. Only thing I bought was shoes. I can always find a pair of shoes or a purse that fits!! I am at a hard age. Too old for some looks and too young for others. I want something fitted but not hoochie mama looking. I have worked hard to get 26 pounds off before her wedding and I don't want to wear a big sloppy shirt that hides all of my hard work...and I do mean hard work. So hubby is taking baby boy with him to church and J and I are headed out to find me some lovely frock to wear. I love going off with just her and me. She is so fun. The things a 4 year old can come up with!!

Maybe if I am successful I will post a picture of my outfit. Don't hold your breath.

Are You Kidding Me?

This morning I am up way too early because of my monthly GAL visit for the baby boy. This doesn't sound too bad now does it. Well let me tell you the rest of the story as Paul Harvey would say. They are suppose to come once a month to check on him and see if there are any services we need. The last visit was when he was 6 WEEKS OLD. He is now 6 MONTHS OLD. Of course it is an emergency that she come ASAP. No wonder they lose children in this system. No one seems to know what they are doing. We began our RE- licensing process in July.....we were told it would be about 6 weeks because all they needed to do was a few forms and our fingerprints to open our home again. It has been 6 months and no license. Why you ask ....well let me tell you. All because of 1 persons fingerprints. My oldest daughters keeps coming back rejected. Not because she has done something but because their machine has issues and most of the Florida agency's that use this fingerprinting vendor have been on hold. I was told there are 8 families waiting to get their license and cannot until this is straightened out. My daughter has been to that office, which is across town 3 times to redo these stupid things. She moves out in March. I wonder if they are just waiting on that to happen. Even the foster parent liaison says they should just go by the background search from Florida because she has lived here her whole life if there was anything wrong it would show on that one. But of course that cannot happen. We have had baby boy through non relative placement. We have never received any income for any of the babies we have fostered because we did it through a private fostering ministry. This was going to be our first placement with the state. So far.........I am not impressed. Trust me we did not decide to foster through the state for the money. Less that a dollar an hour? We just thought it would help pay for all of the stuff I buy for babies when they are in my care. ( I spoil them rotten ...they deserve it!!)

Baby boy leaves in 2 weeks to live with his grandma permanently. That's not going to be easy, but it is best for him I know. I am ready for a break. I'll be working on my daughters flowers for her wedding. This will help me not think about it so much. Instead I will be crying for a different reason.

I must leave you now ..... the coffee pot is calling my name!.......Coming Honey!

It's Not Going To Get Any Easier!

Yesterday was crazy. I had a beautiful, peaceful morning getting ready by myself for Church. Boy was that weird! On my way to church aunt Lissa, the one that kept my 4 year old this weekend, called and said J is sick and had thrown up. I asked if she had a fever and she said no. Then I asked the million dollar question ..... what has she eaten today. The answer was, she had some coke for breakfast. she wouldn't eat. Then I got her chicken nuggets, fries and coke for lunch. She ate some fries and drank some coke and then got sick. Hello!!! Of course she got sick ... wouldn't you?

Then we picked up baby boy. He was with his grandparents for the weekend. He is our foster son and is 5 months old. I informed his grandmother that J was throwing up and didn't know if she would want the baby around her. Apparently this was not a problem because she said they would meet me somewhere with him. When they dropped him off I asked how things went and she said he was good but it was hard. I wanted to tell her it was not going to get any easier. She wants to take him but is waiting for the right time. There isn't going to be one. The older he gets the harder it will be. He is beginning to recognize me and wants me to take him when I am in the room. I am frustrated because they don't communicate with us about their plans. Oh well I should be use to this by now. I have been doing this on and off for 9 years now. It never goes as planned. If it were up to me he would stay till he got married but no one is asking me.

I keep reading all of these posts of people that live up north and are tired of the snow. I live in Florida and for our vacation we are going to where hopefully the snow is. We don't really have seasons down here so I am jealous of the pictures I see of fall leaves and snow falling. All we have is palm trees. I have lived here my entire life. I would love to know what it is like to live where there is real changes in seasons. Oh well maybe someday! Today I am in my PJ's all day and am going to tackle the mountains of laundry...........yippie Skippie!!!!

Feel Like I Forgot Something!

Well tonight I only have 3 of my girls at home. J my 4 year old went to stay with her aunt Lissa until Sunday and baby boy went to his grandparents until Sunday as well. We went out to eat tonight and I did not ask for a booster seat or a baby seat sling. It was so weird. I loved, loved, loved having time with my older girls and being able to have an uninterrupted conversation with them and my hubby, but I really missed my little ones.

I was the third of three girls and we were all spread way apart in age. My oldest sister was 16 when I was born and my middle sister was 7. It was kind of like being an only child. Now being an only child when your parents are young or young acting is one thing but my parents acted older than they really were and I was usually always wishing I had a sibling close to my age. I guess this is why I wound up with 5 children in my house.

Tomorrow we are going to see Mickey Mouse. Ya know he lives in my back yard!
It is suppose to be in the 30's tomorrow so it will be cold to this native Floridian.
We love Disney. I have gone nearly every year since it opened. My sister still has a book of tickets from the old days, but of course all of the E tickets are gone.

This morning, before the little ones left we all went to Target optical for our yearly eye exams. The doctor in this particular Target has been there a long time and we love him. Those poor people that work there didn't know what happened to them when my crew of 7 descended on them like a heard of elephants. We had my daughters fiance in tow as well. It was like a zoo in there. I am thankful that at least my eye sight has not change. Wish I could say that about the rest of me. I was picking out new frames and the woman helping me kept telling me that I was picking out ones that were too wide. I told her that I was trying to get ones that might help balance out my wide hips and big behind. Never did find any that big.
Speaking of big behinds. Why is it that even the biggest bicycle seats still go up your behind and are never wide enough. I need one about the width of a piano bench folks. This has been my thorn in the flesh my entire life. Small waist, BIG behind. I have always said that when I die they could dig me up in 6 months and all that would be left in that pine box is a big ole butt!! Oh well, that's OK I am just thankful to be alive to have it!

Gotta Get it Right!

Yesterday my 4 year old and I went for a walk and to the park. As we were sitting on the swings I began to talk to her about adoption, of course at a level she can understand. To me it is very important for her to know this from a very early age and not have a bombshell dropped on her when she is older. I had a friend who was adopted and her parents did not tell her, She found out on her own when she was 16. It was a very bad time in her life. She did not know what other things her parents had lied about, She did not believe anything they told her for a long time after that.

I love J so much. I forget that I did not give birth to her sometimes. I told her the story of how her aunt and I went in the middle of the night to the hospital to pick her up. I said J if there had been thousands of babies and the nurse told me I could pick one to be my girl, do you know who I would have picked? She of course yells ME!!!!! I want her to know how much she means to me and that she is loved no different than any of my other daughters. Lets just hope she doesn't wind up spoiled rotten in the process!!

My husband just graduated from college in October, better late than never hu? I must brag on him. He graduated with a 4.0 GPA. This was not easy with a demanding job and wife plus 4 kids. He did this to advance in the company he has been at since he was 20 years old. This week he was offered an engineers position and I think he is going to accept it. It will have travel, which means FREQUENT FLIER MILES! That means I will be flying to see my girl when she moves to Kansas City.

It ain't gone be pretty y'all when that girl leaves. I am determined to not give in to the desire to stay in bed for weeks at a time. My kids are my world. All I could think about the other morning ....at 4 am was, how is my tiny 20 year old baby going to be able to drive in the snow. We live down in the land of Mickey Mouse and she has never driven in snow. Then I started to think , will they remember to lock their door at night? I'm and idiot!!!!

Today's plans are to practice fixing C's hair for the wedding. I WILL NOT CRY.....I WILL NOT CRY!!! This weekend I am working on the flowers. A long post will follow that experience!!!

Never Goes As Planned

Well last night did not go as planned. The grandparents were not able to take him due to an emergency. I did not mind except I had planned to spend the day with J my 4 year old. We were going to do stuff that we never seem to be able to do with an infant around. Oh well I am still going to take some time today especially for her and do something fun.

On a darker note lets talk about weight loss. Boy that subject leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I am not way over weight. I just lost 24 pounds and I have another 20 to drop. But it might as well be 50 because it just does not want to come off. I have started exercising. I walk over 3 miles a day. I have also started eating different. A friend of mine lost a lot of weight on the Fit For Life program so I am trying that for the last 20 pounds. So far so good, I have dropped a few pounds already. I want to get the rest of this weight off before I go buy my dress for my daughters wedding. ...... please hold while I roll around on the floor and pitch a fit over the thoughts of dress shopping.................................................OK I'm back.
While we are on the subject of shopping, who in the world picks out the lighting in dressing rooms? Seriously if they want us to spent money on overprices clothing then they should shell out a little for some lights that don't make us look pale and old.

Now that I have worked myself into a frenzy I will use this energy to clean up a little. I am wanting to redo some of the decor in my house. I am posting pictures today of different rooms in my house. Anybody got any ideas for me . I'm tired of looking at the same stuff.

First Over Night Stay

Well baby boy is going to grandma's tonight for the first time. I am not nervous at all about how he will be treated. They love him and are a great family. It is hard knowing that soon he will be gone from my house. I love him like my own baby. I have to keep reminding myself that this is not about me....never has been....never will be. I hate it when people ( mostly at church ) say " I could never do that. I just would love them too much to give them back. I try to live my life by the word of God. Some days I'm a success. Some days I'm a failure. I have not read anywhere in the bible where it says to only serve God when it is comfortable. We are not exempt from being hurt. I have had my heart ripped out by fostering ( thanks to a friend that got me started in this ....you know who you are!!!) but I have also felt the healing hand of God rest on my life and my family after a child leaves. It is strange how I can find peace in the midst of complete chaos. Now that has to be God!!

We are not taking any new placements until after the wedding and our 2 week vacation. Let me say that again.....2 week vacation. Oh I love the sound of that. We are leaving a week after the wedding. Hopefully I will not cry the entire trip. We'll see!! I am always excited to see who we will have the privilege to take care of. OK I am a little ( more like a lot!! ) scared as well. I have always had newborns. I don't know how I would do with older children.

Well for now we are going to enjoy a baby free night. Just the girls and I. I think a fire in the fireplace and something good to eat, while watching American Idol tryouts. Those people are nuts!!

Sour Grapes

Okay this may not be a subject that most normal people would do for their first post....but I am not normal so here it goes.

Yesterday I was at the armpit of America ( Walmart ) to buy a few things one of which was grapes. As I scanned the assortment of green and red grapes I noticed something similar about them. They were missing A LOT of grapes. This would be due to the inconsiderate people that feel they are so special that they can eat food that they do not pay for. I have even seen them get a banana, peel it and eat it .... right in front of a Walmart employee. Why don't the employees say something? This really ticks me off!!! Food is expensive enough. This is stealing and be sure the store passes the loss on to the paying customer. I paid $3.29 lb. for those grapes.

Don't get me started on people that go to the 20 item or less to pay for a shopping cart of groceries!! I actually got behind one of these people and when the cashier said something to her she said " I don't want to wait in a long line." Well to her I would say " DON'T COME TO WALMART'!

Alright lets change the subject. My sweet baby boy we are fostering is growing so fast. He is 5 months old now and weighs 16 pounds. Hard to believe he was born at 34 weeks and only weighed 4lb6oz. He will be starting overnight visits with his grandmother this week. She is trying to slowly get him ready to live with her permanently. I will be sad....but it's not about me!! It is the best thing for him because he has two siblings that live with her now. I am happy he has a family that loves him. I have fostered 5 newborns and the ending is not always this happy. I have had to hand some of them over to not so great circumstances. All I can control is the time they are with me. This is easy to say but much harder to do.

My oldest daughter is getting married in 8 weeks. She will turn 20 in June. I think she is too young but what can I say. I was 18 when I got married and I have been married for 23 years so it can work. Her fiance is great. We love him. They are moving to Missouri in July for her to attend IHOP school of music and he will finish up his college and start law school. I am not looking forward to being so far away from my baby. I know she will mature fast without mama there. I think it will be a shock to her when she realizes how much responsibility will be on her to have her own house, go to school and work a job. She is a little spoiled. Ok a lot! Good thing her soon to be husband cooks or they may starve.

This is a picture of all of us at Christmas. I love all of these people in this picture so much . I am a blessed girl!!