Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Panic Attacks Suck

Back a few weeks ago I had just took a shower and was relaxing on my back patio that overlooks the golf course. Everything was wonderful. Until...... My heart skipped a few beats and then began pounding out of my chest. I was overcome with fear and began to shake uncontrollably. My daughter called 911 and they hauled me off to the ER. After an EKG and some blood work the doctor came in and said " All of your test turn out normal. Are you under any stress?" It took all I had not to grab the mans necktie and pull his face inches from mine and school him on the events of the last year.

It has been a good year in many ways but one that is has been filled with loss. My sweet daughter has suffered two miscarriages, we sold our home in Florida and moved away from all of our family. I had to give up a little boy that I fostered for a year. He went back to his mother. That was a good thing but still we had to go through missing him. I noticed marks on a little girl that we had fostered before that had gone to live with her aunt. When she came back I took her to the Dr. and showed her the marks and she said they looked suspicious. So we got the state involved and they investigated and found that the aunt had beaten her with a rubber ruler. I cant tell you how angry and stressed that made me.

We lived separated from my husband from June until December due to a baby that we were fostering and were potentially going to adopt. I and my girls have made 10 car trips back and forth between Texas and Florida since June just to keep our family somewhat together while waiting on the state to file what is called an ICPC so that the baby could live with us in Texas. That was never filed and then the aunt in law came into the picture. She has filed for a divorce and so when that goes through she is no more related to the baby than me. We will see how this ends but in the mean while I'm just trying to keep from having any more melt downs.
My fostering days are over. I cannot take anymore of the crapola that the state dishes out.
ALL DONE!!!